What’s next

Over the last week, I have forced myself to think outside the box. The thoughts that have pacified and created an irrational acceptance of less than ideal situations, just do not work anymore. I try to “live” far outside of the status quo, but I have realized through this, through the past few months, that figuratively speaking — I’m “very much caged.” The status quo or “normal,” taught us how to survive and while I’ve picked up a few things thanks to many people who are going to read this — it’s the idea of possibility, the idea of “what if” that drives my thinking when I can focus on aspects far outside of the scope of the mundane.

What happens to me or people who look like me daily isn’t anything new. While perceptions and spin can certainly play a role in narratives, the historical context coupled with my own experience leaves me no choice but to accept the idea that many people who look like me understand.

Some things are just different.

If you were to ask your black friends or colleagues if they could tell a story about discrimination –they could probably point to a specific example at some restaurant, some store or simply walking down the street.

Yes, this happens in Indianapolis (and around this country) and no, your zip code or background shouldn’t dictate acceptance of these “norms.”

This moment is unique as appreciation for the black experience is at an all-time high. Most of the conversations center around police brutality, and while thoughtful review and reforms are important (“to improve is to change…”) at a higher level we have to reevaluate the systems that have impeded black progression. To quote Robin DiAngelo, “Racism is a structure, not an event.”

I’ve been inundated with calls, messages and…questions. So many questions. Thankful to have relationships with people of various backgrounds, but the idea of educating people on the history of racism and systematic oppression is exhausting. Google has been a great friend over the years, but I digress... I’m not an expert on race (debatable) but I’m certainly an expert in my own experience, as such, I take the time to understand the nuances in the experiences of others as well. I can’t speak for all black people, nor do I want to, but regarding the “how can I help question” here are three things to think about.

Acknowledgment:

This isn’t new. What happened to George Floyd in Minneapolis or the feeling of being discriminated against is not unique. If this is mind-boggling to you — I’m almost jealous of the ignorance. As a society, we’ve taken steps forward and it’s important to acknowledge the work of those who came before us; however, from Emmitt Till to George Floyd (and all the others who never received the media attention they deserved) the systematic disregard for black life is still very much there.

I’ve been touched (clutches chest) by the acknowledgment of societal acceptance that black lives do matter. And while I appreciate these acknowledgments, change won’t be found in well-crafted statements, Instagram posts, and questions for your one black friend. Actual change will be found in reforming systems and providing a more equitable experience. Change will be found in understanding that you probably didn’t pull yourself up by your bootstraps and that some people never had boots to begin with.

Support:

There are numerous organizations that could certainly use your time, talent, and treasure. Google is again a great friend, but I much prefer these conversations and connection points. I’ve seen so many black lives matter signs around over the past week, but what does that mean to you? Past the performance activism, past the time when you drive back to the suburbs after going to your first protest… what does support of the term “Black Lives Matter” mean to you? Support must be sustainable and if you’re trafficking within black culture in a way that isn’t reciprocal, its high time you run us those coins. There are pieces of this movement that are indeed social, but the economic impact and opportunity is far more important.

I wonder how many times the word “diversity” has been searched over the past week — undoubtedly, it’s an important concept. Diversity without structural change gets us nowhere. It’s a nice corporate strategy and much needed no doubt, but without a plan in place to empower these diversity initiatives, I don’t think you’re going to move the needle very much. How can you or your organization make these initiatives genuine?

Relationships:

I’d be nothing without the ability to build relationships, well I’d probably be okay — but it certainly helped. One of the illest moments as I’ve developed over the years is the realization that transactional relationships are the norm. If a relationship is only good contingent upon what you do for someone else — that’s transactional. Accountability is certainly important but take a second to reflect on your “friends.” Are they really your friends or do they just hit you up when they need you? “The game is the game” so it’s important to understand that happens, but also recognize the importance of working toward building genuine relationships. As naïve as it sounds, I value my friends and I’d prefer to work on projects, initiatives etc with them because the relationship is built of a genuine level of support and a desire to see us both win.

Most of what I see from a messaging standpoint feels transactional. The questions below are rhetorical but have come up over the last week. As I stated earlier, “What does Black Lives Matter” mean to you? Is it acknowledgment? Is it support? Black folks have been waiting on the system to change for years…hella years, but a more focused approach to how we relate/interact with one another is a solid step.

• When is the last time you were the only person that looked like you in a group of people?
• How many interactions do you have with black people (outside of work) on a weekly basis?
• How many times have you applied a stereotype and changed the way you communicate to black people you don’t know?
• When’s the last time you called a black person when you didn’t need help with a race-related issue?
• How many black friends do you have? (any answer with a specific number is wrong)

If those questions make you feel uncomfortable, good. I’m not here to vilify anyone and if you take it that way, that’s on you. If these questions bothered, you and you’re asking what can I do to change this? Focus on building intentional relationships and putting yourself in positions to meet new people in hopes of building from there. It’s not “Oh I need a black friend now,”(please dont do that) it’s about an intentional desire to put yourself in places and spaces in hopes of developing genuine interactions. I could tell you how to do that, but giving free game away is certainly getting old.

Criticism for the lack of understanding regarding black issues is warranted, but for all the SMH responses to texts or laughs shared in group chats — I recognize that people can change, people can grow. Still, there are so many people who are still going to be on the wrong side of history, even though history is repeating itself. How do you fail this open-book test? How?

I understand the power of moments, the power in this moment, but as optimistic as I’ve been around other areas of my experience — sadly, I’m apprehensive. I was four when I saw the Rodney King video. Four years old. If you’re worried these conversations are too tough, just know around the ages of five or six black kids are getting a conversation centered around, “no matter what you do, some people will always hate you.” We understand racism early.

Imagine if we didn’t accept these things. Imagine if we didn't accept that things were just different. The conversations happening around America have been a constant at black dinner tables, barbershops and car rides home after “fitting the description” for decades.

Systems and structures are in need of a restructure but change to our personal ideas and perspective are also incredibly important. Still apprehensive, but I look forward to not only the work ahead but the possibilities as well.