Blackness, Opinions and “The Peculiar Sensation”
I’ve had several conversations over the past few months centered on Blackness, from a standpoint of a general definition of what it means to be Black in 2023 to the omnipresent internal monologue of those like myself. That monologue (at least for me) has shifted over the years.
A healthy sense of self-doubt persists but gone are the days when I ever question my belonging in certain spaces and places. Every day of my life I walk in rooms that weren’t built with me or people who look like me in mind. Through the grace of God, hard work and the efforts of people who came before me, I tend to only reflect on this point post-meeting in the dark recesses of various journals. Perceived “success” is a thing, but I distance myself from the phrase “Black excellence” — Black exceptionalism should not be the driving force to justify Black humanity. We are not a monolith but there are recurring themes found amongst the spectrum of Black identity — from the “work twice as hard” conversation to the innate ability to clap on 2 and 4. We are more conservative than we like to collectively admit and yes, conservative Black perspectives are important as it amongst other things adds an additional layer of accountability on white liberals. How my conservative Black colleagues navigate that space is truly wild to me and an ideological battle I’m never going to fight — I’ll walk into spaces not built for me but being tolerated and celebrated are two vastly different things. While I represent many things when I walk out of the crib each day, the lens that has made me more conscious and curious has never failed in its authenticity and intentionality.
That lens, that internal monologue, provides for the same sense of “two-ness” Du Bois spoke about more than a century ago. “That peculiar sensation” of navigating the outside world, while the internal battle of not only understanding history, but understanding the score is more conscious than ever.
To say I struggle with it is an understatement and while I’m grateful for the people and spaces that allow me to just “be,” a marriage of this twoness is imperative. Its one thing to have the follow up “Black people meeting” after the call or the side group chat where you say what’s on your mind, but its an entirely different feat to blend the two and get things done.
Today’s Supreme Court ruling didn’t allow for any marriage of that two-ness and was relatively deflating (vulnerable — as I don’t have much time to sit and be deflated at all). The idea of a struggle over whether the constitution is “colorblind” only helps a certain wealthy demographic. Chief Justice Roberts opinion included,
“Many universities have for too long wrongly concluded that the touchstone of an individual’s identity is not challenges bested, skills built, or lessons learned, but the color of their skin.”
Respectfully — I don’t think the good justice is outside like that and its giving…boogeyman once again.
Today Black kids caught a stray, that will inevitably impact White kids on the lower end of the socioeconomic spectrum.
Important to note — all Black people ain’t poor, but numbers and data are a thing.
This is a moment I hope we remember because for those have spent any amount of time blaming diversity in higher education as a reason for their lack of success or upward mobility — I’m willing to bet today’s decision wont change anything for them.
Because… Legacy students still have the plug (non-white students were barred from most colleges for 200+ years, legacy students are most likely white). Aunt Becky’s kids still have the plug. Oh and those kids who’s parents bought that building? Yes, they still have the plug (The Plug is a term used to describe someone who is a resource for obtaining something valuable that would otherwise be difficult to obtain — Urban Dictionary)
Look, I know the history and I know the score. “There was a time when America wouldn’t let us ball,” but to takes steps back now, will have relatively intentional consequences. In her dissent Associate Justice Sonia Sotomayor said,
“In so holding, the Court cements a superficial rule of colorblindness as a constitutional principle in an endemically segregated society where race has always mattered and continues to matter.”
In a word — facts.
To those celebrating today, leading with fear as a foundation isn’t a good place to be. Progress has been made, but a lot of that progress was leftover scraps — yet and still, Black people remain the most copied, appropriated, and influential culture in American society.
While the internal monologue remains hopeful, still lots of work to do.
